Part of me doesn’t like sharing the not-so-good news, but I feel the need to document it and also just vent my fears.
In the last day or so, Raven has gagged and coughed now and then. He did a reverse sneeze last night. And he foams at the mouth/nose when he gets excited like barking or panting. I think the foam is fluid coming up from his lungs. These are the first outward signs of these lung mets I’ve witnessed.
Also, he’s lethargic and a very quiet now. He’ll get up to go potty and come back for a treat, he got happy and bouncy for his morning chew bone. But sleeps most of the time. And doesn’t get up for anything unless it’s important to him (food, potty, car ride). His tummy is distended again, dang mass in there flaring up again I suppose. I did switch to ciprofloxin since it’s only $10 and Baytril is $200 for the same 10 day supply (rediculous difference in same drug family). But Cipro is again not available and I will probably have to switch back. He’s only been on it for 5 days, but this is the same result as when I went off Baytril a while ago. I think he responds better to Baytril and goes downhill without it. So, I just went ahead and switched back today. $20 a day for 3 pills.
And to what end? With the lung mets advancing, I honestly question why I prolong this… I am not strong enough to say “it’s time” when he’s doing okay and not really suffering or in pain. But the downside to that is: So, I want to wait until he’s suffering??? That is not right. Sometimes I beat myself up for not calling the vet today to spare him the pain. Raven would do it for me. But he’s a better person that I am…
Living alone and having him and his father before him for the last 20 years, I cannot bear the thought.
Dawn,
With everything you have been through with him you are strong enough to make the decision when the time comes. Many people have posted here that the could see it in their dogs eyes.
There is no false hope here, but if Raven is not suffering and not in pain than maybe it is not yet time. Maybe when you switch drugs you will see another rebound.
You know Raven and you will know when the time is here.
I wish I could offer more than moral support..
I will be thinking about you until I see the next post.
Please never feel bad about sharing your experiences. It can be therapeutic for you, and help others who will face the same difficult situations with their own dogs someday.
Regarding the waiting, we try to remind those who ask … how do you want to remember your pup? Personally, we’re glad we let Jerry go before seeing him totally lose his dignity. This was a promise we made to him early on, and as hard as it was to keep we’re glad we did.
Bless you for all you’re doing for our hero Raven. If you’ve missed it, this popular Coping With Loss discussion topic about knowing when to say goodbye may be of some help.
Oh Dawn,
I don’t know what to tell you to make your decision any easier… In Jake’s case, as soon as that damn cancer spread to his spine, within hours he was in extreme pain which could no longer be controlled by his pain meds, he couldn’t move… and could not hold his bowels anymore… There was no more wondering if he was enjoying his life, and could recover from this… It was definitely the end.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have put him to sleep a few days before that (I hated seeing him suffering so much in his last hours) but before that happened (like just the day before), he was fine, and enjoying his life, so then I would have felt guilty for putting him to sleep so soon… what if he had more time…
So, there is no freaken right answer to this! It’s between you and Raven… Whatever you decide… and when you decide… we will all be here for you…
Sending you a big hug from far away!!!
Angel Jake’s Mom
Oh, Dawn, my heart is breaking for you. Before we knew it was cancer in Emily’s spine we were trying everything to help her but she could no longer even roll over or get up on her own. The thing is she never acted like she was in pain except when someone had to help her up and she would whine. Truthfully, I wish we would have know it was her cancer earlier and let her go before she lost her dignity (could not control her b.m.’s or urine). In one of the articles I read it said better to put your dog to sleep one week too soon than one week too late. We were one week to late and it kills me.
That said, your Raven may bounce back again and it is not that I want you to make that decision, Look in Raven’s eyes and ask him.
Like Jake’s Mom said, whatever you decide we are there for you.
Debra & Angel Emily
Lucy had cancer, we could tell the cancer was getting worse because of the swelling on her side. We knew we only had a short time with our girl and how would we know when and what to do. I got up one morning and Lucy couldn’t stand up. As I looked in her eyes it was like she was saying, dad, I’m done, I can’t get up on my own, please. I told her I loved her picked her up, Cindi got the keys to the car and Lucy and I sat in the back seat on the way to the vet.
An incredible sense of calm came over me, we had Lucy since she was born and the best thing I could do for her was to help her one last time.
She died in our arms and Cindi and I were at peace that we had done the best we could for her and no matter what we did the cancer would win.
Do what’s best for Raven, his eyes will tell you.
Dawn, I can’t offer anything except my own thoughts. I think of it as releasing them from a body that isn’t working very well for them anymore. Like setting them free, as opposed to ending their suffering. It’s the same thing, just a different perspective. I know that you’ll do what Raven wants, when the time comes–you’ve devoted so much to him already. I pray he’ll let you know clearly.